Sep 6, 2024 7 min read Cynical Theory

Cynical Theory: You Are Your History

Understanding a person's history provides insight into their personality, motivation, and behavior.

Cynical Theory is a set of six axioms that explain human motivation and behavior. Axiom 3 (You Are Your History) posits you are who you are due to your experiences and traumas. On a micro level, when you take the time to understand someone's history, you can intuit how their personality was formed. On a macro level, when you study history, you can discern the generational effects of demographics. You will recognize how life experiences, both good and bad, shape a person's personality.

About Cynical Theory

Cynical Theory is my explanation of the fundamental motivations of people; it provides a basis for understanding human motivation, behavior, and how to interact with others. It is codified in six axioms.

When I use the word "cynical." I associate it with the definition: “based on or reflecting a belief that human conduct is motivated primarily by self-interest.” My use of the word "cynical" is synonymous with "selfish."

I introduced Cynical Theory to help you understand and conquer the Cynical World.

You are your history

Everything that has happened to you in the past has made you who you are today.

That is why we are all unique. Our experiences are unique. Our situation is unique.

If you stop to think about it, the person you are today is not the same person you were a decade ago. You have changed - some you initiated, some were forced.

When you think about the path that you took to get to where you are today, you should recognize significant events that have influenced who you are.

The entirety of your life story comes together as YOU.

How do we know you?

I am unaware of techniques or technologies that can reliably read your mind. Therefore, I can never know what you are thinking. Therefore, how does anyone know who you are?

The only way for someone else to "know" you is if you DO something.

It is only through action (speaking, writing, doing) that others observe WHO you are. "Actions speak louder than words" is a parable that reinforces this concept. Of course, writing (words) is a form of communication (along with body language, fashion, hobbies, interests, and employment) that exposes an aspect of who you are.

Who you are is an expression of what you THINK. What you think is only observable if you DO something that EXPOSES your thoughts.

When you express who you are, it's called "personality." Personality is "the complex of characteristics that distinguishes an individual."

Your unique history endows you with your unique personality.

What factors influence personality?

The major factor determining who you become is something you didn't choose or control.

It is fate.

Each of us was born into a time and space that wasn't of our choosing. You inherited the parents, family, social, economic, cultural, psychological, chronological, and geographical environment you grew up in.

All of these factors influence who you become.

For example, your attitude and relationship with money is influenced by the financial situation you grew up in. If you were poor and struggled to eat and survive, you may be driven to acquire wealth. If you were rich, with a spoon in your mouth, you may feel entitled. Your personality will be affected differently depending on your experiences.

A similar environment may result in two different personalities. One poor person may lack ambition and be resigned to that station in life. Another poor person may be driven to become rich.

The actual situation you experience does not determine your personality; your response to a situation influences the person you become.

Significant events influence personality

Our motivation and behavior are influenced by the myriad of experiences, whether good, neutral, or bad, we've had. It is the significant events that occur that imprint and leave a lasting effect on our personalities.

Often, we are not aware of the effects an event has had on us. These events can be forgotten, repressed, or unnoticed. We may not recognize how a past incident influences our current decisions and behavior.

For example, you may grow up in a loving or abusive environment. Your personality reflects the environment you grew up in.

But there can be exceptions. Someone who experienced an abusive environment may apply Axiom 2 (Overriding Concern), and consciously decide that they do not want to replicate the abusive behavior. People make a choice (consciously or subconsciously) about how to react to the circumstances they experience.

A person's primary personality traits are influenced by significant ordeals and events they experience.

What is a trauma?

We all experience "trauma" in our lives (trauma is "an emotional upset"). Trauma may be good or bad and positively or negatively affect you.

Your traumas have a lasting effect on you.

There is a common theme in self-development courses or literature that proposes that you must take responsibility for everything that happens in your life. They teach some version of: you control what happens in your life, you are responsible for your choices, and you are responsible for your results.

I attended a seminar in which the message was you "attract" everything that happens in your life. This is an empowering point of view for most people, but it can be extremely triggering for someone who has suffered a severe trauma in their life, particularly if they didn't make the choice or have control of the outcome.

One attendee couldn't reconcile the presentation with her trauma. She had been sexually assaulted in her youth and the message that she "attracted" the experience was a bridge too far.

My heart ached for the woman - the instructor didn't understand that his word choices triggered her. She (understandably) didn't feel that she was responsible for "attracting" the assault. Unfortunately, he didn't comprehend how his approach was making her feel.

He didn't comprehend that the real teaching of the course was that we "attract" the future we want. He continued to imply she had attracted the trauma in some way.

Her trauma was deep. It had scarred her and affected her life in many ways. Listening to her, I could feel the pain she experienced and how it had devastated her self-esteem.

She was at the course seeking a way to make sense of what had happened and to overcome the trauma inflicted on her. Her trauma had come to define her and her outlook on life.

Had he understood and acknowledged that the course's point of view was an "aspiration for the future", rather than a "rule" that applied to the past, he may have reached her. He should have recognized that she was a victim - without control and responsibility for the event - therefore she didn't "attract" the trauma. He should have explained she could empower herself by not letting the trauma continue to exert control over her future behavior and she could "attract" the experiences and life she wanted.

Unfortunately, the woman walked out of the course with her trauma unreconciled.

This was an important lesson. It brought into full focus Habit 1 of Stephen R. Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: between stimulus and response, you have a choice. The course was about making CHOICES to "attract" what you want.

This event was a "trauma" to me - it caused an emotional upset. I remember it vividly. It has influenced my thinking about motivation and behavior and contributed to Cynical Theory. It was a vivid exposé of the consequences of not understanding that "responsibility" does not refer to what happens to you, but refers to how you respond to an event.

Not all traumas are negative; the experience had a profound positive impact on my attitude and perspective.

Unless you identify and confront the negative traumas in your past, they will continue to impact your life.

How do I apply this?

In my career, I worked on project teams with many different organizations. In the project environment, I interacted with various levels of personnel (executives, managers, supervisors, staff, and consultants).

A project is created by assembling a group of experts and having them work toward a common goal. One of the key factors for project success is being able to work together.

When I met the team, I used a technique to assess if someone was a team player. During the small talk, and chit-chat to get to know someone, I asked if they ever played team sports in school. Even if they don't play sports, everyone has a hobby. It spurred a conversation and built rapport.

But my ulterior motive was to determine if they were a team player.

My experience dealing with hundreds of people in the corporate world led to an observation that "team players" had often played sports. There were exceptions, some people who didn't play sports were still team players; digging deeper, they had other influences that contributed to an attitude of helping and supporting.

But I found a high correlation that people who were NOT team players had NEVER played sports. This is not a statement of scientific fact; it is my experience and observation.

I used knowledge of a person's history to inform my expectations of their future behavior and work effectively with them.

So what?

There are many theories and tests to identify personality traits (see reading list below).

For example, the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator is a common test to identify major personality characteristics. This test provides a snapshot of your personality when you take it.

My experience is that MBTI is remarkably accurate in identifying my dominant personality type (ISTJ). Understanding your own and other personality type characteristics can help you communicate and work with others effectively.

But, unless you provide the results of a personality test to me, I can only guess your major personality traits. I must interact, observe, and judge your personality based on your behavior. That is what we do every day in our interactions with others. We expose our personality; we observe others' personality.

However, the tests do not provide any insight into the WHY of your personality. For that, I look to your history.

I ask questions to understand a person's history, WHY they are, and WHO they are. Since people love to talk about themselves, they reveal a lot about their past when asked. By understanding their history, I can interpret their behavior in the context of their life experiences with empathy and compassion. It allows me to be more effective and efficient.

Your biggest self-development improvements can be achieved by analyzing the traumas that occurred in your life and determining how they affected your personality (either positively or negatively). Through introspection, you can decide what is working for you (and what is not) and make changes to improve your life.

When I understood the traumas that affected my life negatively, I consciously reconciled the events and implemented changes that improved my life.

Summarizing Cynical Theory, I have posited: that you have selfish motivations that drive your behavior (Axiom 1 & Axiom 2); through living a life, you create your history (Axiom 3) which is exposed as personality; your personality, in turn, affects your motivation and behavior.

TL;DR

You are your history
Your personality is exposed when you DO something
Traumas are emotional upsets
Your personality is influenced by your accumulated experiences and traumas
- some traumas are negative and harmful
- some traumas are positive and inspiring
The concept You Are Your History helps you:
- understand others with empathy and compassion
- analyze your negative traumas and implement changes to improve your life

Be Cynical,

TCG

This article is part three of a six-part explanation of Cynical Theory (see: The Reference Guide).